Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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