so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
