friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize