Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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