I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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