I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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