She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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