I should be sponsored by Trojan
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He literally asked permission to hit on me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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