We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize