is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
