Having a random hookup so left but love u
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
