When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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