he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
