she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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