lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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