did you get engaged???
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Mom said you looked used
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize