If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
