I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
