trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
