Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
what day is it and did you see me today?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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