if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
