I'm drive I can fine osifer
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
