Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
