The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
