those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
