if you like me you must not know who I am
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
