So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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