For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
