Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
