he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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