What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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