I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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