I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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