If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
