Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My vagina just recognized that song.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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