i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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