I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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