Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
