i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
