lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
