Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize