just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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