i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
