honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
