i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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