Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
