apparently the secret to your success is patron
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
