Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
