Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
