She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
