So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
