i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
