just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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