do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize