Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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