In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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