He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
