gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
