i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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