...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
