you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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