dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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