I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Two words: blizzard sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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