I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
