i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
