I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
