i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
