you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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