Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize